Don’t Threaten A Divorce, Unless You Mean It

I work with too many couples within counseling who expect their partners to be “ok” with their decision to get a divorce and end the marriage. They often use counseling as leverage to convince their reluctant partner to get on board and go along.  When that doesn’t work, they sabotage the relationship with an affair or emotionally divesting while blaming the other. They often use counseling as a last-ditch effort of control and influence the clinging spouse. These spouses put in a half effort in order to convince themselves they have done everything possible to improve the relationship. They come to counseling to alleviate their guilt. This is merely a waste of time and false hope for the remaining spouse.

If you have concluded divorce is the only option left, don’t string your partner along or expect them to support your decision. My advice is for you to be authentic and upfront in all that you do. When going through a divorce, it’s no longer personal its business. Stop trying to protect the other person’s emotions. How they feel is how they feel. You must get over the fact that you are the cause.

However, if there is any hope, the marriage can be salvaged, remove divorce as an option.

Work on the marriage by working on yourself and your own attitude.  Threatening to leave the marriage or get a divorce is like initiating a weapon of mass destruction. Security within the relationship cannot develop when there is a threat of your partner leaving you.

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